I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
