I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i now understand why vodka
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
