The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
