He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize