My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
