You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize