But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
