New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
