This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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