sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
