you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
