I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
