yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
