covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
