i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
