i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
