3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
