I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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