This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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