in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
