just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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