she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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