The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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