We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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