LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You made out with two different species that night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
