Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
