from now on my penis is your penis
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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