Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
