my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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