Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
