Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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