tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
