If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need to stop coming to work sober
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
