Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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