this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize