Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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