Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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