Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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