you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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