oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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