Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
