My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
