I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
