fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
