And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize