Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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