How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
that may or may not have been my penis.
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