we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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