Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
