I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
