so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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