Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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