Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
