I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize