I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
