Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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