just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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