She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
