Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
