we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
