I'm jealous of your bromance
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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