Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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