If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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