apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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