Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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