very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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