I'm really into asian looking animals
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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