I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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